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the story of the trees, part 12

once school started–yikes, things were crazy.  i had to put my head down and get it in gear.  my divorce was to be final any day…how all that came about is a whole ‘nother God story….not the divorce itself–i know God didn’t want that–it was the getting it–how God kept providing for me…..

i had been asked to serve on a women’s tres dias weekend, later in the fall….if you have never been to one…go!  They are such a great refreshment in a person’s walk with God….if you have been…then you will know what I am talking about.  chuck showed up at all the right moments with all the right things he needed to show up with to speak to my heart.  i had served several times before and had never been taken care of in this manner.  from him taking me at the beginning of the weekend to picking me up at the end of the weekend, to all the little ‘things’ in between.  AND…God spoke again on that weekend…..

once our divorces were final, we started spending some time together….i was content to spend time and get to know him….things moved along pretty steady with a few bumps in the road….and each time, things just seemed to work themselves out.  I was not used to this…I was used to things staying unresolved and building up…..i was just happy that wasn’t happening….Chuck on the other hand had heard God and was ready to move ahead…..i was not.  that did create a little conflict in itself, and chuck being the humble man that he is, would repent and sit back down…

i don’t think my kids were especially fond of him…well, most of them, anyway:) the younger ones LOVED having him around and the middle ones kinda tolerated him…the older ones…didn’t like him very much  at all.

by the time valentines day came around, we had been, more or less, a couple….i was still not ready to call it that and didn’t want to be seen in public with him….my own issues with shame and condemnation.  we live in a very tight community and ran into people we knew ALOT….and not very many of those people really knew what had happened in my home in regards to my divorce….they thought they did and judged….inwardly and outwardly….and i took it very personally.  and because of my reluctance to spending time in public with chuck…he took it as my not liking him at all….and being ashamed of him….

i had some friends come in from out of town for valentines and wanted to get their opinion of chuck…so we all went out one night and had a blast.  they saw what i saw and saw the work god was doing in putting us together.  i wasn’t really ready to accept it, but it helped that they loved him and saw how good he treated me.

i had been reading a book called the divine embrace.  it is about how our walk with god is like a dance.  how he gently leads us.  i had also been discussing with a friend about how marriage is like a dance….ok..that is another whole blog post in itself, but through it god told me to give chuck dance lessons for valentines day….he gave me tickets for 2 to see Chris Tomlin, later in the month.  i was so excited.  he LOVED getting dance lessons….seemed he had always wanted them and his ex never wanted to dance.  and i LOVE Chris Tomlin and was so looking forward to going…..

things for me were very up and down…some days i was ok with us being together and some days i just wanted to be by myself for the rest of my life….i was really struggling with it…i knew god was speaking and i was just arguing and arguing with god on his timing and what he was asking of me.  chuck is 11 years older than i am.  i love that about him…he has another perspective on life from those 10 (or so) years.  but that was also an arguing point with me….not sure why, but it bothered me.  one day, reagan was looking at scrapbooks.  she pulled a little one out.  it is a scrapbook of my grandfather’s funeral that i made for my grandmother who, before she died had alzheimer’s.  i know, kinda morbid, but i wanted her to be able to remember the funeral.  reagan brought the book to me and asked me to ‘read it ‘ to her.  i was turning the pages and god spoke…he said…your grandfather was 75 when he died….chuck may or may not have as many as 15 years left on this earth…are you going to be stubborn and lose what time you have?….i yi yi!

chuck had been married 33 years.  i had been married 20  years.  those years went by like a blink of an eye….god showed me in that moment how quick time passes and that we may or may not have much time together and that i was being very difficult.

ok..i tried to let that one pass by 😉  but made note of it.

like i said, some days were good and some were not so much….the day of the chris tomlin concert was not a good day….i did not want to spend any more time with this man that i had to, but i really wanted to see chris tomlin….hehe….

we were at the concert.  way up high.  singing and praising god….and all of a sudden, i had this thing hit me….a thought….it was like a 2×4 across the head…NO JOKE…..and i all of a sudden looked over at this man sitting beside me and thought he was the most precious, good looking, godly man i. had. ever. seen.  i had this thought that we were gonna be married and soon.  how crazy is THAT?????  i leaned over and said….if we get married…will you consider taking 2 weeks of a honeymoon.  he said….i was thinking 2 weeks with you and then 2 weeks with the kids, so that we can all spend time together.  ok. that won my heart.

oh, another little (huge) detail.  one day we had been talking about dreams…not the night time kind, but the kind of dreams one has for ones life.  i told him i had always dreamt of getting married on the beach in hawaii at sunset–among other things that were talked about that night weeks (if not months) before…..

while chris tomlin was singing, chuck leaned over and said….and when we take those 2 weeks…it will be in hawaii….we will get married on the beach. at sunset.

 

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