Chuck and Arianne as Santa Claus for the kids, Christmas 2008………
i can not tell you strongly enough how upset i was with god for having this MAN speak HIS (God’s) words to ME!!! to say i was mad is an understatement.
I also need to say here that 6 months before *i* remember meeting chuck, he had seen me….unbeknownst to me. we are both involved in a ministry called tres dias. we were both involved before we knew each other. there is a section of the retreat where there are both men and women there at the same time, but they do not communicate with each other and it is a very special–sacred time. We were both at this one weekend….I was serving at a women’s weekend and he came during this one part. he says that again, there was a light on me and i was the only woman he saw. he really had no clue who i was or why that was, but he remembered it.
the first time i went to celebrate recovery (remember, i said he was a greeter?)…he said hi to all the kids and me and then said…don’t i know you from tres dias? I thought…the NERVE of this guy…trying to talk to me 😉 I put my head down, said yes and kept on moving….i was NOT going to talk to him…..if it was the LAST thing I did…hehe….
well, after his little ‘popcorn testimony’ that made me so mad at god, i decided to see if this guy really believed what he said he did….I also need to add a side note here….I do remember many days in the counselor’s office being so mad at him when he would tell a young lady, broken hearted over a break up or betrayal of some sort to let her heart cry for the man she had in her heart. To keep her dream alive for this type of man….I had not seen many ‘good’ men in my life….not the kind of man i knew i wanted to see–in my life and the lives of my daughters and the kind i knew i wanted my sons to be. i remember getting so angry with him, telling him i had never seen the kind of man that women truly want….so, i wanted to see if this man was made of what he appeared to be made of….we poked back and forth a bit, but both of us were so scared of the other that we didn’t talk too much–for many weeks.
i also need to footnote here…..god had told me years before that i would have 10 children. right before the demise of my marriage (which, for clarification, happened 2 years BEFORE the 6 months i mentioned in my earlier post. he had left mentally and emotionally 2 years prior to the physical leaving….does that make sense???? ANYway….before ALLLLL that started to fall apart, i lost 3 babies. as i usually say, i lost number 10 3 times…..i was confused…i didn’t understand why god would tell me i would have 10 children and then lose them…..and then to lose the husband i would need to have that 10th baby…..well, it just didn’t make sense……
also, i need to mention here….all my children’s names end in either the letter ‘n’ or the sound. Britton, Jordan, Kaitlyn, Christian, Madeleine, Gretchen, Harrison, Autumn, and Reagan. This is a very significant thing, because god went to great lengths for these names for these children.
ok….back to the original story….chuck and i kinda bantered back and forth a bit, but nothing serious or of significance at all….or so i thought. but one day, i felt like i would really like to sit down and talk with him face to face to see what he really thought about all this spiritual talk and journey i/we were on. i was at the grocery store and ran into a friend….we started talking and i said that i would really like to sit down with that guy named chuck and talk to him about some of the references he had been making to this new walk of his….she looked at me and said…’well that’s funny…he told me yesterday the same thing…..wow…god must be up to SOMEthing’…..i told her i didn’t want to talk to him alone and if she felt like she and her husband would and could work something out for us to all four sit down and chat….she said she would see…..it never happened….
but…time went on…easter came and it was to be the first easter without my children. there was a cr group having easter dinner at this same couples’ home, and i decided to stay out of the house that day….chuck happened to be their with his daughter….i had never met her…i really didn’t know anything about this man and his life. i met arianne…..YEP….an ‘n’ ending name….and an only child….you see number 10 in that????? i met her and knew that she was a wounded little bird….that put a bit of fear in me, as i knew god was doing something but i still didn’t want any part of it…i was really still licking my wounds….but god gave me a word for her while we were there and i shared it with her….i knew she got it….i saw it in her eyes…..