sassy picture, huh? sassy post title, huh? well, part of it came from my kids…who are loving having a mom who is free
on the other part……
i read in a blog a few days ago (wish i could remember where so i could link up to it, but can’t). this post was talking about our insecurities of being too much or being too little–saying too much, or too little. this spoke to a deep place in my heart. there are so many times when i don’t feel like i measure up–like i am not enough. i can usually deal with those thoughts pretty quickly and fairly completely . i kind of know i will never measure up to other people’s expectations, but as long as i am being who god called me to be, i am walking in obedience. especially because he is the one i will answer to.
the harder part to accept is when i am too much. i can not tell you how many times and ways i beat myself up over being ‘too much’. so many days i have walked out of a meeting, a discussion, a dinner or even church…and regurgitate how i coulda, shoulda, and woulda done things differently…and how next time, i will keep.my.mouth.shut.and.my.hands.to.my.side.
god has done a great work of healing my broken heart….i am more free than i have ever, EVER been. and with that freedom should be the freedom to be me. not sure how others see it in me, but sometimes, i feel i am just too much. laugh too loudly, share too much, cry too easily, worship with my whole being….just too much sometimes…..
and yet….i know god wants me to be who he created me to be….laugh from deep in my belly :D, share my heart of hearts with those who are safe, shed tears of joy and of grief and to worship HIM, who did it ALL….HE made me….ALL of me…..and HE wants me to share everything he has given. even when it seems like it is too much